This is a very personal post from my side of the world today. The reason that I wanted to write a personal post like this, and talk to you about something that is deeply personal to me is that I think it’s time.
As many of you know I lost my mom a year ago, we were super close. Best friends and we had an amazing mother/daugther relationship. We always told each other ” Us two against the world” We did everything together, and we where linked in a very special way, it’s hard to expain. On October 24th she went to the doctors office because she was feeling really bad, and she was admitted to the ER, the next day they said she had terminal canser in her colen and in her abdomen and that she had weeks or months to live. She got worse, and she died under two weeks after this day. A lot of things happened at the hospital, a lot of things we shared and a lot of things I wish I had done differently. I’ve been struggling with this for a year now. Many people think that I should be over it already, but for me this is difficult. I’m getting there but it takes me longer than expected. I’ve struggeled with flashbacks, nightmares, guilt, and so much more. It’s been a difficult year for me. I lost apart of me that day, that I will never get back. A part of me died with her at the hospital that day. I’ve struggled with getting back into blogging each day, writing on my book, and everything have been difficult for me regarding getting back to “normal” or my new “normal” . The only thing I’ve focused on has been the dogs. We’ve been going for long walks everyday and I love that.
But I’ve reached a point where I have decided to make the most of my life. I have acchived a lot of things the past year, that most people didn’t even thought I could do. I’m standing on my own two feet, I’m smiling again, I’m here, I’m living my life and I’m one step closer to standup for myself. ( at least sometimes. Working on it, it’s a work in progress. ) I know my mom would have wanted me to live my life to the fullest. No matter how hard life might be, as long as there is hope there is life and I will never lose hope.
I wanted to write this post to give y’all a better understanding on why I haven’t been posting everyday even though I’ve said I would. It’s been days crying, day’s I’ve been angry like a bull seeing red, there have been days where I doubted myself, and pulled myself down. But, NO more!
I’m good enough to make it like everybody else, and I will make it as a writer, as a blogger and as humanbeing. I got this, and I will porve to all of you that I will do my very best to work hard on Hetty’s home kitchen and on my crime novel. The new me, new week and clean sheets. This is going to be a good week. Even though loosing my mom made me loose a part of myself, I’ve gain something else as well.
10 years from now, I will be living with my prince charming, and have many kids with him, be a succesful writer and I will gain problems I didn’t even knew excisted today, but togehter with my prince charming we’ll concure anything, just me and him. hah! A little dreaming is all one need to feel a little better.
This week I will start by getting into the game, I’m blogging everyday like I used to and I’ll be writing my ass off and work on my book every day to get the lost dot on the last page done by spring. This is a new begining for me, and let’s be amazing, work hard and be amazing together. I’m really comitted to making this work. This week I’m going to try and make creamy stewd mushrooms ( not sure how that will go though.) I’m making a pasta casserole dish, and I’m having a movie night on Friday so that’s something that I’m going to blog about as well. As far as Saturday and Sunday I haven’t really figured out the details yet, but I’m going to the grocery store on Wednesday or something like that so I’ll see what I can find and if I can get any ideas on what to make this weekened.
As far as tonight goes I’m watching an old movie called The man of the house, I haven’t seen this movie in years so I’m really looking forward to that. The dogs are sleeping next to me as I write my way throgh this post.
I hope this post will bringe some answers to why I haven’t been as active lately as I should have been. But now I’m getting back into the game and I’m looking forward to every post I’m going to write here and I have some cool stuff coming up in December as well that I think y’all are going to love.
- Your true friend Hetty from Hetty’s home kitchen