It’s a beautiful day today, the weather is amazing. The truth is that I’ve been struggling a lot lately. As you all know I’ve not been my true self since my mom passed away in November 2k18. It’s been a rollercoster ride ever since. Good days, better days, sad days, bad days etc. Like life in generall but in a larger scale. I’ve been struggeling to get back to normal, back to who I used to be, back to where I was before my mom got sick. I have days when I’m afraid of going to the gorcery store because I’m afraid to suddenly out of the blu start crying, I’ve been feeling like I’ve disapointed my mom, like I’m not done the right things, that I’ve made the wrong decitions. I had to get rid of a lot of stuff that meant a lot to me and my family becasue I had to move to a small apartment and I didn’t have the money to keep paying for a storage unit, so I had to get rid of almsot everything. Toys from my childhood, furniture that meant a lot to me. On top of that I haven’t been able to visit my mom’s grave as much as I’ve wanted to. I’ve felt like I’ve let my mom down. I’ve been struggling with getting my finances in order, I’ve done a lot of mistakes the since Nocember 2k18. Yet, all I’ve ever wanted is to get back to normal.
I’ve wanted to get everything back to what it was before my mom got sick. I wanted my old life back, I wanted so bad for things to get back to normal, back to what it used to be. But in the middle of the bad days, in the middle of being to low down I realized something. I will never get back to normal, I will never get back to where I was. I needed to make a new normal, a new life, a new reality, I needed to go forward, not backwords. I needed to look at this as a new opertunity. I might have done a lot of mistakes, but now I need to go forward again. I’ve been looking at this whole situation the wrong way. I’m not the same person that I was back in 2018. I’m stronger, more independent, I’ve several projects that I’m wokring on and I feel great about it and I should. I can’t look back anymore, I can’t put my head on hold. Yes I’m sure I will have bad days and sad days ahead of me but I wonb’t let them destroy me, and I won’t let them controle me. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I’m stronger than ever! I can do better, I will do better because realizing and accepting that the past is the past and that I now have to focus on the future will drive me to : work harder, achive my goals and kick some ass!
I’m a new me, and I really like the new me. I’m focusing on my career, I’m as driven and as focused as ever! I’m all inn. I will blog about the good days, the bad days, the in-between days and I’m spending more time in the kitchen and on my book-writing! This is going to be a great year career wise and I’m going to work my ass off to get closer to reaching my goals.
As a wise man once said, who’s your hero? – a wise man answered me in 10 years. 10 years went by and he asked again, have you become your hero? he answered – no, mu hero is me in another 10 years. He deep down knew he would never become his own hero, but it gave him something to work torwards, it made him work a little better, a little harder to achive his goals.
I have to say I agree with him a 100%! We need to find the one thing driving us forward, the one thing that make us give it that little extra, the one thing that still keeps us going even when we want to give up. That drive we need to keep going no matter what. That dirve is what is key to everything.
Just a little reminder that everything will be ok no matter what you’re going through and to never give up but keep fighting!